Family

I go through online phases.  At times my time seems swept away by facebook and blogs and iTunes.  I then quickly revolt and spend weeks or more away from the internet altogether.  There must be some happy balance between these two extremes, but I have yet to find it.

The little bit of extra time I had during Christmas break was a great impetus for catching up on some of my beloved blogs, which has helped me to feel a bit less overwhelmed when logging on.  Now, I can look for daily updates, instead of feeling like I need to read through each person's last several months.  Anyway, I am feeling the need to share a little of myself after reading so much from everyone else.  I have actually been doing a lot of thinking and talking with God over the last couple of weeks, and many times I have thought that I should let my few, but faithful, readers in on my deepest thoughts.  But I am also a perfectionist, you see, and so the thought of sitting down and composing a blog posting that fully explains all of the intricacies which are my thought life right now has been far beyond overwhelming.  And so, in classic fashion, instead of doing something imperfectly, I have simply not done it at all.

For whatever reason, tonight felt like a good night to sit down and spill.  Well, just a little.  I am actually not planning to spill at all right now about those talks between God and I.  I simply want to share with you about my afternoon.  As for that other stuff, maybe I'll get online before 2011 rolls in and share a bit more of my heart.  But for now, my afternoon...

A couple of years ago I had the amazing privilege of nannying for a sweet little 2 1/2-year-old boy.  Today he turned 5(!!!) and I was invited to a birthday party at his home.  I wanted to go, but was also a little leery because I knew I would know few of the guests.  I decided I would just show up for the last 30 minutes or so and was planning to stay only that long.  But when I got there I could not force myself to leave.  The party was small, which is always a "plus" in my book, and it was just so relaxed and nice.  Really, I try to never use the word "nice" because it is so indescriptive.  So plain.  So boring.  So far beneath the infinite vocabulary with which I have been blessed.  But as I drove home tonight, reflecting on my afternoon and evening, "nice" was the word that remained in my head.

This is a family who has taken me in and made me feel a part of them.  They are sweet and caring and fun and young enough to be like an older brother or sister.  They really are amazing.  And there was something about just being a part of a family and a group of people who were celebrating something so small, and yet so large, as a child's 5th birthday.  I cannot fully grasp even my own thoughts on the matter right now.  But, for the first time that I can recall, I deeply desired to be the mom in a family.  To be a woman with her husband and her kids; just enjoying time with them and celebrating with friends.  I know that sounds like the dreams of so many young women my age, but those are rarely things about which I think.  Honestly.  But, for one afternoon, I got to be a part of this little Norman Rockwell picture and I could not bare to leave.  Six hours later, I realized there was work in the morning and that this was not my home and that my bed was elsewhere.  And I reluctantly said goodnight.  Thank you P  Family for a wonderful afternoon and evening spent with family.  You are dearly loved!